When Menopause Says “Plot Twist”: A Black Woman’s Take on the Midlife Mystery

My Grandbaby & Me

Let me start by saying this: I was not prepared.

I knew about hot flashes. I’d heard the whispers about mood swings and sleep disturbances. But no one told me menopause might show up like a petty ex, snatching things I love out of my life with no explanation—like fragrance… and my husband’s service dog.

Yep. You read that right. I am now allergic to our dog—who isn’t just a pet. He’s a trained service animal for my husband’s PTSD. He’s devoted, well-behaved, emotionally intuitive—and apparently, now triggering a full-body “no ma’am” from my immune system. It’s like menopause saw joy and said, “Let’s make that complicated.”

And don’t get me started on fragrance. I used to walk through life like a subtle cloud of self-care. Now? If a candle is burning or someone’s lotion has a name like “Tropical Whisper,” I’m backing away like it’s a threat. I even tried fragrance-free Dove—only to end up pasty, flaky, and questioning every decision I’d ever made. So now I’m mixing my own oils like a kitchen chemist: unscented shea butter, grapeseed oil, a touch of witch hazel. Moisture with no mood swings. Just vibes.

And then there’s the temperature rollercoaster. I am hot and cold—at the same time. Cold feet, clammy chest, damp upper lip, and somehow still shivering. I dress in cotton layers like a woman on the run because my internal thermostat is no longer taking direction from me.

But you know what’s holding steady? My mood. My energy. My sex drive. I’m not emotionally unraveling. I’m not panicking in the middle of meetings. I’m just learning to live in a body that’s changing without a lot of warning—and that’s real.

So, what do you do when your body goes rogue?

That’s where support comes in. At Dukette Wellness Solutions, we believe that you don’t have to navigate this alone—or in silence.

• Talk to a professional. Whether it’s your primary care provider, OB-GYN, or a holistic practitioner, your symptoms deserve attention. You don’t have to “tough it out.”

• Try therapy. Menopause can stir up questions about identity, purpose, aging, and self-worth—even if your mood seems stable. Therapy gives you space to sort through the emotional layers of this physical shift.

• Connect with other women. One group chat can change your whole perspective. We are not meant to white-knuckle our way through this.

• Protect your peace. Say no more often. Moisturize with intention. Dress in clothes that breathe. And if you need to cry in the car for 3 minutes before Target, do it with the A/C on full blast. No judgment.

At Dukette Wellness, we honor all stages of womanhood—including the ones no one warned us about. Whether you’re just starting to notice changes or deep in the what is even happening? phase, we offer therapy that centers your wellness, your identity, and your lived experience.

This isn’t the end of anything—it’s just your body evolving into another brilliant version of you.With layers. (And a backup fan in your purse. Just in case.)